So called 'lovers'

I have decided. I won't act like such a whore anymore. I won't sleep with strangers and I won't sleep on first dates anymore! I won't! It's not like I don't like it at all. But I hate the feeling when you are talking to someone, but you know that he isn't even listening and he doesn't even care at all, all he wants is to get me into bed. I can't describe how awful that makes me feel sometimes. And I can't sleep with a complete jerk, just because he's got his ass full of money. I can't do it.

So, there is this guy who I really like and he likes me, it's obvious. And you know what? We have been going out for a couple of times and we haven't had sex. Imagine? That is an improvement for me. And he likes me as I am and that makes me smile.

I have committed to myself that I won't spend this year's valentines day alone. I'm sick of being alone. I want to go to bed with arms around me and wake up with a smile. I want it to be personal, not just another fuck. But I'm not sure if I am ready for another relationship just yet, I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago, but it seems like ages. It's so hard to admit that I miss him so much, but I'm ignoring these thoughts and I won't admit it, 'cause then I will feel week. Week & alone.

I don't feel so bad about my weight anymore, I know I'm not fat, but sometimes I really feel like it. And what I hate the most is that when I eat I usually don't get a chance to visit my old friend mia anymore. I haven't been vomiting on purpose at all this year! Is that good or bad? And I didn't go to the gym yesterday, I was too exhausted. And I don't get to go to trainings this week and that is bad! I am on holiday in a different country. I like it here, but every thing's so complicated that I don't understand what's really going on in my life. And I am so fucking stupid! I forgot my passport at home and crossed two borders and thank god no one asked me for my documents! But I'm going back by plane, so I had to go to the embassy to get some kind of document so I can get home.

Thank you for reading this, it means a lot to me. And I value your opinions high.

Stay strong and stay thin! Love you! :)