MY WHORE DIARIES VOL.1

Hello my anonymous audience. I've missed you a lot and I'm sorry for not posting for so long, I'm just so damn busy. And recently this blog is going from "weight loss blog" to "my whore diaries". I don't know where my life is going right now. I have such a double life, it's like having two people inside me. The first: Just a cute high school popular guy. The second: Male whore with no limits. And I'm not here to tell you about the first one. Here on this blog, I'm the second one.
So fucking much has happened. Today I went to a job interview. What kind of job? Well, that's hard to explain. It involves taking my clothes off and getting a lot of money. And I'm kinda low on incomes right now.. No, it's not escort business, but it's not far. I'll put it this way: web cam online sex chat or something like that. It does not actually involve sex or anything, so I suppose it's not that bad. If I can get money by taking my clothes off, smiling and letting some middle-aged foreign pervert jack off while chatting with me, then where do I need to sign? So, I haven't really decided yet, but I thing I'm gonna take this offer.
And when I think of it. I want to look back at my life when I'm old and tell people: "And you know what I did when I was young?.." I don't want a boring life and this could actually spice it up. And plus it's completely anonymous and I should be pretty safe. And my (maybe) new boss likes me. Not just likes-likes, but really LIKES. Too bad I'm not such a big materialist, because the guy is rich. But who knows, maybe one day..
And recently I was offered to do porn movies. And they offered a LOT of money. But I declined, it's too public.
So I think I'm gonna do this online thing, it could actually be fun and anyway, I can stop when I want if I'm not comfortable with it.
So, my inner whore is taking control over me. And I think I should have a separate article about one night stands. Just today I went to two dates. And one of them was a doctor and that is fucking hot!!! Next, I want to sleep with a policeman, a fireman & a pilot. Mmmhmm, hot, hot, HOT!!
And I have lost my fucking weight!!! Now I'm 58kg again and that makes me so damn happy. Anyway, love you all.
Tweet me if you like this article @onceiwasalive and please FOLLOW!
So, I'll try to keep you updated more often.
Kisses.
-Your favorite whore.

So called 'lovers'

I have decided. I won't act like such a whore anymore. I won't sleep with strangers and I won't sleep on first dates anymore! I won't! It's not like I don't like it at all. But I hate the feeling when you are talking to someone, but you know that he isn't even listening and he doesn't even care at all, all he wants is to get me into bed. I can't describe how awful that makes me feel sometimes. And I can't sleep with a complete jerk, just because he's got his ass full of money. I can't do it.

So, there is this guy who I really like and he likes me, it's obvious. And you know what? We have been going out for a couple of times and we haven't had sex. Imagine? That is an improvement for me. And he likes me as I am and that makes me smile.

I have committed to myself that I won't spend this year's valentines day alone. I'm sick of being alone. I want to go to bed with arms around me and wake up with a smile. I want it to be personal, not just another fuck. But I'm not sure if I am ready for another relationship just yet, I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago, but it seems like ages. It's so hard to admit that I miss him so much, but I'm ignoring these thoughts and I won't admit it, 'cause then I will feel week. Week & alone.

I don't feel so bad about my weight anymore, I know I'm not fat, but sometimes I really feel like it. And what I hate the most is that when I eat I usually don't get a chance to visit my old friend mia anymore. I haven't been vomiting on purpose at all this year! Is that good or bad? And I didn't go to the gym yesterday, I was too exhausted. And I don't get to go to trainings this week and that is bad! I am on holiday in a different country. I like it here, but every thing's so complicated that I don't understand what's really going on in my life. And I am so fucking stupid! I forgot my passport at home and crossed two borders and thank god no one asked me for my documents! But I'm going back by plane, so I had to go to the embassy to get some kind of document so I can get home.

Thank you for reading this, it means a lot to me. And I value your opinions high.

Stay strong and stay thin! Love you! :)

Smiling

I am truly happy. And I'm writing this article with a big smile on my face.
So, I haven't been eating for 5days now. It's not like I don't eat at all, but I eat just a little. And I have almost lost my appetite. And today I felt brave enough to step up on a scale. And guess what? I was 64.6, now I'm 60, 8. I have lost 3.8kg. That is so great! And I look thinner too, but the best thing is that I FEEL thin. I can see my hipbones sticking out. I know I'm not thin enough, but I'll get there. I want to celebrate this, but I can't, tomorrow I gotta get up early and go to work. But that's ok.
Plus, I look amazing today, I feel like I'm glowing. Went shopping yesterday, got so many great clothes.
Now, who do I have call to have some fun tonight?

It's all new

It's the first day of my new life. Of my new "thin" life. After these holidays I feel super fat. But yesterday, thank god something was wrong with my stummick, so I didn't eat, just a little. I can't wait to get back to the city, to get away from my parents house. Here it's hard to be friends with my lovelies - ana and mia. But once I get back, I am gonna fast. I will try to at least.
And my crazy lifestyle will start once again. Cause after I broke up with my boyfriend (yes, I am bisexual) I couldn't get over it and I was just sitting alone and suffering. And when I suffer, I eat, so there's no wonder I gained some kilos. So, now I am officialy not thinking about him anymore. But his place must be filled with someone. So you can call me a whore if you like that, but I am gonna go out there and have some fun. And to offers I used to say 'no' to, I am gonna say 'yes'!
I don't actualy know if you want to hear about these things. Should I just write about my battle with my weight or should I write about my crazy adventures too? I can't write about these things in my primary blog, but I sure can on this. But the question is: Do you want to hear about it? Just let me know.
Now I am gonna go and read a book, trying not to think about any kind of food. I'll better make some tea. Writing this down really helps me, I will be strong. And I hope you will be too.

There's this awful thing I do

Holidays. And what do people do on holidays? They eat. They eat all the time. And I sadly admit that I am one of those miserable people. It was so hard to survive christmas, ofcourse I couldn't resist the delicious meals and deserts. And now I feel bad. Why do I always eat like an animal on christmas? I have to stick to my plan and I have to loose weight. But it is so hard and sometimes I feel too weak and when I feel weak I eat.
There's this awful thing I do - when I am loneley and sad, I try to fill the emptiness in my heart with food, but it doesn't help, it makes me feel worse. And lateley I have been feeling like that a lot.
And it's all just because I have major problems in my personal life. If I was happy, it would be a whole different story. Then I wouldn't have this blog. But since I can't see happiness in the near future, I keep living in the past. And reality is just too hard for me to bare.

Who I am and who I wanna be

I have finally decided to start this blog. This is my third blog, but this one will be dedicated to weightloss, not my personal thoughts about things.
I don't want to call it a pro ana or pro mia blog, I'll just stick with "weight loss blog". I have had ana & mia experience and there was a time when all that was left of me was skin and bones. But now I have gained weight. I want to get it off of me, I feel sick even from looking in the mirror. Everyone tells me I am not normal, that there is a problem in my head, that I'm too thin. You know what? They all lie! This blog is a new years promise to myself. I want to be thin again. And I am gonna be thin.
My bio:
Gender: Male (yes, male!)
Age: 18
Weiht: 64,7
Perfect weight: 59
I have to loose: 5,7kg
Height: 177
Likes: Music, books, rain, blogs, tea, night, strangers, kissing, sex, holding hands, being loved.
Hates: Being alone, not being loved, cold, being cold, stupid people.
I am a very copmlicated person. My life has changed a lot in the last couple of months and now I just don't know how to fix things, so I'm gonna start over. This is a new beginning.
And now some thinspo which I desperatley need.: